The Cherry Hill Chainsaw Massacre

Pre-Review Disclosure : While there's not much room in the 13-minute short for spoilers, this review does disclose a significant plot reveal and the resultant twist ending. Read at your own peril. It's hard to believe it's been 16 years since Jason Voorhees last emerged from his watery grave to wreak havoc upon sexually active teenagers at Camp Crystal Lake. The last time we saw him was in the form of a technically proficient but narratively uninspired "remake" that merely recycled the most crucial elements of the original four entries in the iconic Friday the 13th franchise, stranding a horde of generic college-age students in a cabin for the sole purpose of being picked off one by one. In the intervening years, several attempts have been made to resurrect the man behind the goalie mask, with most screenplays striving to once again restart the mythology and ignore all the films that preceded them. The most inspired attempt emerged from the mind of Aaron Guzikowsk...

There are a number of superior horror films I could be reviewing right now, and none of them are going to be available for free forever. Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween , The Conjuring 2, The Mist, Scary Movie, just to name a few. All are waiting for me on demand, flashing their temporary "Free" sign, all but begging to be reviewed. And here I am writing about... this. So, why did I choose such an undesirable option? One that, in a way, I've already reviewed twice before. Maybe it's the sadomasochist within me, or maybe it's an opportunity to complete a trilogy of cinematic adaptations of the same story. Or maybe I'm just tired of reviewing only great horror films, and want to diversify the blog a bit to keep you readers on your toes. Plus, I won't be able to review next week on account of my best friend visiting in town, so what better time to give myself a somewhat easier assignment and leave everyone with my most negative review yet? Horror remakes...

In 2004, modern genre maestro James Wan cut his teeth in the horror genre with Saw , written by his frequent accomplice and fellow horror fanatic, Leigh Whannell, kicking off the unfortunate craze of what is now referred to as the "torture porn" subgenre, which by definition emphasizes physical human suffering and bucketloads of bloodshed over an authentic feeling of suspense. Despite racking up one of the most successful horror franchises, numerically speaking, with currently ten installments, this seasoned genre junkie has only seen the inaugural installment, and I'd say that's quite enough for my taste. Six years later, the poetically surnamed Wan and Whannell would redeem themselves by shifting to a lower gear courtesy of their haunted house thrill ride, Insidious , which fell on the complete opposite side of the horror spectrum for the better. Instead of two grown men finding themselves chained in a dirty bathroom and forced to amputate their own limbs at the beh...