The Cherry Hill Chainsaw Massacre

Sam Raimi's feature directorial debut, The Evil Dead , is widely considered a classic in the horror genre. On Rotten Tomatoes, it boasts an approval rating of 85% from the critics, with an average rating of 7.8/10, and, not that this matters to me because the RT audience are the biggest bunch of idiots on the cinematic planet, that percentage is nearly matched by an audience score of 84%. Therefore, on both sides of the movie-going aisle, The Evil Dead is a success. While it brings me a degree of joy to shave against the grain of popular opinion, it mostly brings disappointment to say that, of all the critically acclaimed horror classics I've currently seen,  The Evil Dead is hands down the worst and most nearly insufferable piece of tripe, a phantasmagoria of gore, decapitations, and bodily decompositions. It has the unrestrained feel of a young, inexperienced filmmaker who just got prematurely released from his film school, purchased a camera, gathered a few friends in a chea...

In Brian De Palma and Lawrence D. Cohen's 1976 supernatural horror film, Carrie , an adaptation of the first novel published by Stephen King, there's a pivotal moment in which Carrie White, the titular telekinetic protagonist, finally asserts herself to her fanatical mother, Margaret, and reveals her knowledge that her father, Ralph, despite Margaret's assertion that the Devil infiltrated his body and "carried him off," abandoned them for another woman. Who is this other woman that Ralph ran away with, and did he impregnate her with another telekinetic offspring? Both of those questions are answered in The Rage: Carrie 2  by screenwriter Rafael Moreu, who uses that single line of exposition from De Palma's bullied-revenge classic as the jumping-off point for a belated sequel that lacks the astonishingly animated atmosphere, campy sense of humor, suspenseful buildup, and colorful characters that made its predecessor alternately entertaining, tragic, and passion...

If there were such a thing as truth in advertising, the previous installment, subtitled The Final Chapter , would have closed the book on the Jason Voorhees saga, and it would have snuffed him out on a bloody high note. In the seemingly definitive conclusion, the hockey-masked, machete-wielding half-man, half-monster finally met his match in the form of a most unlikely opponent: a 12-year-old boy with a penchant for video games and mask designing, whose clever imagination and ability to thrive under stress led him to shave his head and manipulate Jason into believing he was staring at a doppelganger of his 11-year-old pre-drowning self. While Jason had his back turned, Tommy picked up a machete, snuck up behind him, and embedded the blade into the side of his skull. After detecting a flicker of movement from his fingers, Tommy began hacking away at Jason until he was finally dead.  In the closing scene, Tommy visits his sister, Trish, in the hospital and embraces her, glaring sinis...